and I had a feeling I could be someone

This is how fetch works:

Annie grabs a ball from the truck. Why does she keep the tennis balls in the truck? Because it’s the one spot that’s secure from all monsters; they haven’t learned to open the doors. Yet. Annie then whistles.

All monsters stop whatever they’re doing and swarm around Annie. They love her dearly, but at this moment, they could easily become confused and devour her out of sheer excitement.

Annie grabs the chuck it. She rarely throws the ball with her own arm because, honestly, and she hates to admit this, but she kinda throws like a girl. Either way, the monsters tear off in pursuit.

Well, correction….Freddie, Connor and Elsie take off in hot pursuit.
Saint chases Connor.
Eve chases Saint.
Keytone chases the group and Petunia chases Keytone.
Fox wants the ball, but is a learned doctor and can’t be seen chasing something so meaningless.
Busy follows the commotion, knowing they’re all nuts, and sometimes openly wonders why Lori would send her here to live, for an entire winter, with this group who is so clearly ape-shit-crazy.
Brennan legitimately tries to comprehend the rules and procedures, but gets confused and sometimes brings back sticks or a leaf instead.
Heini lies in wait until she can snatch the ball, at which point she’s overcome and carries it in circles, calling it her squishy.
Brew is usually too busy batting his eyes at butterflies to notice anything at all.
Artie always, unwittingly, plants himself as an obstacle; he’s regularly run over.
Rachel just runs laps around everyone because she’s pretty sure that’s the whole point.

Despite this mass of seeming confusion, the ball is (usually) returned to Annie for another round.

****

From here, we’re going to assume Freddie gets it, mostly because Elsie is fat and Connor is…..he lets her win. Shut up. So, Freddie heads back towards Annie who then begins to encourage the monster.

Eve now looses her focus on the fat blob of Saint and suddenly, earnestly believes that everyone should stop moving and that no one should be near Annie or deliver anything to her. Not even a ball. Not even during fetch. When anyone runs by, Eve tries to bite their face off. Don’t worry, she’s mostly unsuccessful.

Fred has now reached Annie and is finishing up some last minute obsessive circles. She’ll drop the ball a few times, pounce on it, spin and repeat. Annie looks on and says “thank you” when Fredly finally refocuses.

And now enter Elsie: she’s adorably impatient and all of that bullshit nonsense makes her crazy. She’s not sure who taught these monsters to play fetch, but her teacher was a helluva lot more thorough (and dark).

At this point, Connor (speak of the devil) trots up, troubled by the delay but ready to put everything back on track and right all the wrongs known to man. Annie doesn’t feel like reaching down to grab the ball from Fred, so she asks Connor to do it for her. “Sir, get that,” she’ll say. The Black Monster of All Things Wonderful will then grab the ball….either from the ground or from another dog’s mouth. No big deal. He will then, with both elegance and grace, offer it to Annie. She will accept. Then, she will throw it again.

If Connor so impressively taught Elsie how to play, then who, one may ask, bestowed this knowledge upon Connor? Who worked tirelessly for weeks and months with a new, shiny Black Baby Monster to turn him into a bundle of black, fetching obsession? Who tried to convince him not to ingest mother’s cat that one fateful afternoon? Oh, that was beside the point. But anyway….who could this person of myth possibly be? I mean, she sounds vaguely familiar, but I just can’t be certain.

Now let’s rewind and say Elsie gets the ball. She’ll bring it directly to Annie (remember, education is everything), dropping it about five feet in front of her. Connor will then swoop in from behind and deliver it to Annie’s hand. Teamwork at its fucking best. If anyone else attempts to look at/take the ball in this process, they will lose a body part.

Rewinding once more to a world where Connor gets there first: he’ll trot directly back to Annie, gleefully, and literally, running over anyone dumb enough to get in the way of a 100lb monster. Sometimes he’ll stop and frolic in the snow, or tall grass, or water, or lily pads, or something else not remotely on the way to His Beloved, but it’s Him, so she just doesn’t care. When He reaches Her, the ball will be given. She might accidentally drop it or he might place it in the wrong spot. She’ll simply ask him to “get that” and he’ll pick it up like the true gentleman he is.

So, that’s what fetch is. Annie falling in love with The Black Dog all over again.